Batman Begins (2005)

Batman BeginsPG-13, 140 mins
Directed by Christopher Nolan

“I’m not learning polo Alfred.” The way the movie starts out, is this a Batman movie? Bruce gets attacked by bats and it ages him about thirty years. Why is Batman getting his ass kicked by Liam Neeson? Does Batman need to crawl up under a bed or something? Did Bruce’s father close Bruce’s fingers in the jewelry box? So dad gets shot and is able to tell Bruce not to be afraid but mom instantly dies laying face up over her husband. Rachel slaps Bruce so hard that his hair straightens up for a split second. Ducard is able to kick Bruce’s ass but Bruce is able to kick the Kung-Fu Master’s ass… yeah that sounds about right. How is Bruce able to latch onto snow?

How is there a cave full of thousands of bats under the mansion? 300 grand for a fucking body suit? Exactly what did Bruce’s family do? The real creator of Batman happens to be Mr. Fox. Finally after an hour into the film Batman makes an appearance. Batman is able to hear the guy in the car say “what the hell are you?” Crane gives Rachel a concentrated dose of his drug… and how does he know her drug limit? That hallucination Batman should be the future Batman costume. Somewhere there is a Jason wanting his costume back. No fucking way could that one roof catch and hold that black tank. Amazing how fire can burn a stone structure down to the ground.

7/10

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