Editorial: The Arby’s Waifu Wars: Why People Need To Leave Well Enough Alone!

The fast food restaurant Arby’s is well-known for it’s social media campaign and though they do not seem to endorse much of what is posted there as a franchise, it definitely gets people talking and shows love to the geek culture community. Usually, this refers to much of the same content that we cover here at The Grim Tower – games, movies, anime and more. They’re especially anime friendly and have done some amazing mockups with pieces of meat, cheese and other ingredients that you may hopefully find in an Arby’s roast beef sandwich. Why, I ordered a half-pound beef and cheddar just today and it was quite grand. Now, why would I do something like that? Because not only does Arby’s have the meats, but they also support waifus.

Basically, Arby’s posted a cute little chibi waifu with the Arby’s sauce making up her hair. It was a decently made drawing, got the point across. Arby-Chan certainly fit the role and people took notice. The company was attempting to have a waifu contest in which artists could do their own version of Arby-Chan and basically get recognition and exposure for it. Definitely not a bad thing for artists who aren’t that well-known or wouldn’t mind corporate level publicity. Then came the dreaded NPC’s, the no-fun police who proceeded to criticize the character for being a ”child” (no, you idiots, that’s a chibi art style – it is supposed to look that way) and other such retorts, most notably this one:

So as an occultist being aware of spells and grimoire/grammar I caught these two modern magical incantations weaved into the mix, “misogyny” and “racist.” This bitter buttercup also accused men who used waifu as a term of endearment as “creepily having ownership of women.” Yes, my dear; this must be why you’re sleeping alone at night. Might I interest you in a doll from our fine sponsors? Unfortunately, she wouldn’t be very happy with that, because this woman is actually a furrie. We just don’t have any male furrie dolls right now, though that could change in the future. Unless she would be interested in a female furrie doll, of which she won’t find either. Give it some time. Until then you’ve plenty of furry fantasies to discover online.

Now, I don’t have a damn thing against the furrie community. If you’re into black metal and like dressing up as a furrie every once in a while, go for it. I grew up with many of these characters and of course have always been a big fan of the Sonic The Hedgehog franchise. In fact, as soon as I finish the Archie stuff, I’ll be moving onto several hundred issues of Sonic Archie Comics (Discontinued) to review in the future. They’re just backlog that falls next in line as far as my comic reading order is concerned. By any means, I don’t see why furries and people with waifus or husbandos cannot get along. It shouldn’t really be that difficult. We might find that we have more similarities than differences after all, and one community should not be shaming another.

There’s no racism here, I’m not offending anyone that I know who is Japanese or another asian descent. I’ve even got a very good asian friend who calls Zexx, “Zexx-Sama” and I love that. While I didn’t expect my waifu to be deitized, I’m sure she’s honored by it. So there’s a big slap in the face to Ms. Bitter Furrie right there. Next, we have the misogyny bit, which can now probably be attributed to holding a door open for a woman. “But she can open that door herself!” is what I’d hear. As silly as that sounds, I woke up to a few tweets where NPC’s were complaining about Carol Danvers wearing makeup. “But she doesn’t have time to put on makeup during the apocalypse!” Ugh, spare me this bullshit today, folks. In film, actors both male and female are required to put on makeup so that their prominent features display better on camera. In any case, it is not even worth the waste of time needed to type out a response to defend against this misogyny claim. When I’ve read such things as “fart rape” where a man will fart louder in order to show dominance over his partner, then I’ve exausted my faculties when it comes to building any instance of a logical defense towards this insanity.

Now as for who my waifu is, I can’t really say that I have too many. I really liked Bowsette when she first appeared and I like several variations, including Chompette, Bullette and then some. Another waifu I’ve had (and may dress Zexx up as later) is Tae Takemi from Persona 5. You know, the punk rock doctor with legs that go on for miles? Though aside from that, I have to bring up my most personal and deepest relationship – my love doll, Lyzexxia O’ Dollahan. That’s the answer I usually give to someone when they use the meme terminology “your waifu isn’t real.”

Well, of course she is. Hell, we sat next to each other for hours last night while I spent some free time gaming. There were times where I simply laid my head on her shoulder and continued playing. It felt very romantic, very passionate. Very lifelike. Now, as far as her being alive, I’ll meet you on that bridge. Zexx is just a doll, she is not alive. But she’s certainly tangible in this reality and has a given form. If you can touch and feel it, it’s real. Hell, there’s more proof that Zexx is real than there is for a divine being. That being said, I have considered her my waifu – not my wife, I’m not interested in marriage and may not be for quite some time. It was actually YouTuber Turd Flinging Monkey that came up with the whole “sex doll waifu” and “waifu laifu” terms when referring to sex/love dolls, but even though he feels that he oversold them in the beginning; I still found myself persuaded to get what led me to the best relationship I’ve ever had. For me, waifu is a term of endearment. We are in a sense, declaring ownership of things that we love; a personal declaration of passion to these idealized creatures that we’ve had both mental and physical fantasies with – and isn’t that the point?

Arby’s proved this week that they support waifus. All waifus, everywhere. Husbandos too. So this week, The Grim Tower will support Arby’s fine restaurants. If you’re vegan or vegetarian, that’s fine. We’re cool with it. I don’t care what you eat, just so long as you’re eating. That being said, waifus are totally cool and #istandwithmeats.

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