Hostel (2005)

R, 94 mins
Directed by Eli Roth

Who wants to get stoned in Amsterdam? When smoking a bong I wouldn’t trust Eli sitting next to you. Who wears a fanny pack? Guy sends his friends a pic of him banging a chick at the very moment his friends asks where he’s at. Dude doesn’t know what a clit is and their description of it is hilarious. Guy uses his hands to eat because people lost their relationship to food. My relationship with food is that it goes in my mouth and out my ass. That guy put his food up in a hurry. For the first thirty minutes it’s practically nothing but tits. Does that pill do anything? Oh look, the bubblegum gang makes an appearance. They came to kick ass and chew gum and they’re all out of gum.

Oli checks out before they did without telling anyone. No two people can have the same jacket. Those pills took a long time to go into effect. Natalya takes Paxton to an “art” show. It’s Hannibal Lecter and there’s the beloved chainsaw. What do these people consume for their vomit to look like that? Paxton tries to escape and hears the Japanese girl scream, and like a good samaritian he’s gotta go help. When the guy moves the truck out the way the two chicks and douche happens to all be standing there for Paxton to mow down. Cop sees Paxton trying to drive away but not see them leave the car?



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