Editorial: You Are Now Entering… The Friend Zone!

Let’s kill the friend zone concept. Let’s kill it right now, before it gets out of hand. Obviously, most people (should know) that the whole friend zone concept began when a man reached a certain level of confusion that comes with the previous generation. Even the generation before that one, and possibly others. Men and women were originally introduced as friends before they became something greater. Such a friendship would often last several years before they came to the point where they decided that they wanted more, and most often did. Well, the internet has essentially brought a whole pot full of steaming crazy to the table and suffice it to say, this old tradition is on it’s way out. Quite simply, the very fact that men aren’t meeting and mating with friends that they’ve shared personal moments with is something to be greatly examined. But some interesting things are happening with women as well.

Look fellas, the internet and social media don’t only give YOU more options, they also give HER more options as well. Women have been known to be fickle and if she feels that she wants to find someone by which to mate and cohabitate with, she wants to know that there are absolutely none better out there. Problem is, there are. And they are constantly talking to her, leaving her messages, telling her she’s beautiful and whatnot, as well as the asses that constantly send pictures of their phallic members. You are in some way competing with that. Because if she’s ever muffed, one of those guys will be there to comfort her in a way that you just might have not been able to.

For instance, perhaps she’s feeling bad about something. Just woke up feeling like shit. Well, you have to go to work. It’s a long day, she’s off and texting you like mad. Your boss is yelling in your ear because he’s got a business to run and he doesn’t have time for you to be texting on your phone to your sobbing girlfriend. So what do you get in return? The old, “I guess you don’t care about me” routine, which makes you feel even more like shit. People have these weird emotional periods. They’re tough to explain and affect both men and women equally. We all get into funks. The same situation I just described could also happen to a working woman. Perhaps you got into a funk and you’re texting (as some men will do) in the same manner, but she’s busy as hell with her job and the same boss is complaining that he has a business to run and she need not be on her cell comforting you. Even kids sometimes have to get the silent treatment, because corporations wait for no man. The only difference is, there are other options now. You can just type a message on social media that says namely, “Hey, I feel like shit today.” Women will obviously get more messages from men hoping to cheer them up. It’s pretty much a given, and why more straight and lesbian women get more messages from single men than any other gender and preference on the planet. Not surprisingly, gay men actually respond to other gay men in the same way. I’m not gay, but I’ve been on the end of those messages before.

In any case, there are always options to brighten one’s day and perhaps those options could later grow into flings and possibly affairs. Social media makes it ridiculously easy to fuck other people on the side and more people than you think are involved in these things. Remember the hack at Ashley Madison? So many people were indeed cheating on their lovers with someone else. Perhaps there are reasons for cheating, possibly feeling unloved or downright abused. I can agree with that. But then there are the kinds of affairs where the grass seems greener. Once again, there are always better men and women out there and better options for you outside of your current location and country. With the age of social media, there is always some kind of invisible war going on, which puts both sexes at more pressure than ever. But what does this have to do with the friendzone? Well, maybe at first she thought you were worth trying, but now there’s Rico Suave and Don Juan posting their heavily ripped bodies, fancy sportscars and wads of cash for all to see. Some of this might not even be real. But it’s certainly enough to sweep a great deal of women off their feet. Perhaps Suave takes your friend to an extravagant restaurant and they have a wonderfully romantic time. It’s magical, like something out of a Harlequin romance novel. Well, you are looking like old potatoes now, my friend. Some women will go back to those old potatoes once the magic wears off, but that doesn’t always happen, and if it does – it’s often too late. In the end, you are no longer thought of as an option. You’re just a good friend. And that’s fine. Suave is a hell of a guy. Sure, he might not know that her favorite Pokemon is Lapras, or that she starts singing Christmas carols for no reason after she’s had a few, but he knows how to show her a good time. And women love that. They love a good time. But don’t we all?

Let’s throw it into her shoes. You’ve known Natalie for years and were thinking about maybe a little more with her, as you never even got to touch first base with her yet. Well, Alexandra sends you a friend request, she’s smoking hot and absolutely not a bot. She’s gushing over your pictures and says that she wants to meet you at a fancy restaurant and to save the gas, because she’s going to drive her fine sportscar there to pick you up. You meet her and stars appear in your eyes. She happens to be able to say everything that you ever wanted to hear from a woman. She’s paying for the food, even though you ask first. She wants to take you to a nice place where you can get closer to each other. She takes you home, leaves you absolutely dazzled in bed to the point where she’s fucking you! Not the other way around. You feel like you’re in preschool, but she’s a college graduate. She shows you things that you didn’t even know were possible for human beings to do! You’re not sure if you ever want this to end. Ever. No fucking way! If she asked for marriage, you’d simply say “You’re a great friend, Natalie. Thanks for supporting me.”

Now you see it from the other side. Obviously, we’re raging with emotions and what feels like deprived hormones at the fact that our beloved friends can and will want to stay as just that, but it seems to be the way of things in a world with so many options. It’s something even I have to learn. It’s no longer about getting to know someone for many months or years of their life before becoming something else. That still happens, but some couples meet up pretty quickly these days and the internet makes that even faster. Regardless of this, many people find themselves cast into this “friend zone” which some people find frightening. But what we are really seeing is a paradigm change. Sex seems to be a bit freer now. There are probably more people who want to fuck you, than those who are interested in a friendship and those who are looking for sex aren’t looking for much else. Sometimes they are. I’ve heard that dating these days is now about basically meeting up with a bunch of people and staying with the one that actually sticks around. Some do. Some will. People who don’t get it will wind up lonely, because they don’t understand the game. However, the game has some very bad side-effects, like you know – children. Sometimes they are a thing that they other party wants, and child support is always useful. I’ve heard some tales of men being raped at parties by women, so they would be forced to have to pay child support for a kid that they didn’t want to make.

I’ve also heard that people in general kind of get groped, molested or raped by people whom they thought were friends, but ended up expecting more. As I’ve said, in the new paradigm, there are people who just don’t want you for anything more than your company. Not your sexual company, either. As we had been taught to embrace the whole “start as friends and go from there” concept of our ancestors, it’s a little harder to accept that things have changed. I cannot say as to whether or not the relationships between men and women are stronger or weaker because of this new paradigm, but every new change has a few flaws that come along with it. In any case, if your friend doesn’t want to go any further than that, it just means that they don’t. They’re not interested in anything more than being a friend. Friends are pretty useful too, so don’t ruin the friendship over stupid shit. Don’t try to force yourself on someone either, whether you are a man or a woman. How could anyone look at you as a friend if you just tried to fuck them and they really didn’t see you that way? The gorillas at the zoo look pretty awesome behind the cage, but I really don’t want anyone to throw me in there, so that they can rip me apart and rape me in the fucking anus. A bit of an extreme example, but it’s a similar sentiment. It probably hurts even worse if you knew the ape in question and have been feeding him bananas ever since you were a young person. Alright, so this is a tad bit silly, but yet again – it still works. Think of it like this – you have a better chance at walking down the aisle with some random chick you met at a metal show, than the one you brought to the metal show. It’s weird, it’s confusing, it definitely plays on our emotions in an incredibly unsatisfying way, but it happens. So let’s ditch the whole friend zone concept, as life just doesn’t work that way.

If the person wants to be friends, that’s all they want. There may very well have been nothing there to begin with. I need to add that I’ve heard women use this term now too, to basically explain the fact that some guy was being a deuche and she put him there. That isn’t quite what it means, so there’s already some error in communication. You don’t put people in the friendzone. You’re either friends that become something, or friends that stay friends. There’s really no other way to put it. Because of all the options I suggested, you have a very low chance of becoming more with someone you have a deep friendship with (and it really does depend on your culture as I do know that Asian cultures for example, operate differently – they rarely date out of race in my town) but it can still happen. Just don’t bank on it and don’t throw a fit when the person decides that they just don’t want it. I’ve told many women that I just wasn’t interested in anything more than a friendship. It’s mainly because I’m either looking for the best match I can get where I’m located, or until I can buy a damn robot. Whichever comes first. In any case, I prefer to have more friends in my life than just people I’m not going to talk with anymore. I think it’s a bit rude to say, “Hey, so we’re not compatible. Let’s just fucking pretend that we don’t exist.” That’s bullshit. A man and woman can still be friends after all, I haven’t forgotten that. It’s never a death sentence to be denied the ability to fuck somebody – okay, well yeah – it can be. But you have to realize that life will only have much worse to deal you in the future, and you might even be happy with a simple case of rejection. Saying “she doesn’t like me like that” isn’t nearly as hard to accept as so many other realities in our world.

You’ll cry, you’ll bitch. You’ll get angry. But you’ll fucking get over it. Life will go on.

– The Grim Lord

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